The inner room
Nothing quite puts a spotlight on your inner desolation like prayer. It’s in that inner room face to face with your maker that you meet yourself & the truth of your own heart. And it’s there you choose a path.... your will or His. But the strange thing is I don’t think we really ever consider that He does give us a choice. And I’m not smart enough to debate or understand the theological implications of that but I’ve seen it with my own eyes. The freedom to ask for something, to move God to action, the choice in which road you take. And from there we take words like “ask for whatever you want in my name” and gather together to pray for the outcomes we want but forget our win might be someone else’s loss, our success another’s failure, & we don’t know what the implications are to even our simplest request. And we’re called to “love others as we love ourselves” but our prayers say otherwise. They’re laced with self interest & that always has consequences for others. Things set in motion that shape the world. And the position you take in that secret place can destroy or bring life. But of course we know the things God freely gives when asked for...wisdom, peace, healing, faith, grace upon grace; but we ask for our way. A way that corrupts the soil of our souls. The way that leads to further desolation. There is hope though because when we ache for something we can let it lie, we can refuse to take battle stance prayers against the world around us & settle into the holy position of surrender. And there let Jesus’ prayer wash over us “our Father who is in heaven, holy is your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread & forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for yours is the kingdom & the power & the glory. Amen!!!” Amen to the spotlight being placed on God. Amen to His will and not our own. Amen to loving others by refusing to pray in the spirit of self interest.